just yesterday, i went for Christmas early in the morning with whom i respected a lot. it was a brand new experience for me, looking at all sort of people of different races, countries. had all come today at this ballroom early in the morning to celebrate Christmas together with god. i was pretty amazed by how united they are, singing and wishing each one besides you Merry Christmas. it was never something i would have try and see from the another side of my point, the world.

she told and taught me a lot of new stuffs in life, in a relationship. sometimes, words come from an elderly and someone whom you respect a lot tends to make you snap out of your silly thoughts you used to have.

last week, was a torturous week for me. i became single after 2 yrs being attached to a boi whom i always love with all my heart. different values, different perspective, jealousy and trust in life that we have leads us to who we are now. you may say the time is not correct and we are not old enough yet.

silly me misses him so much every single day, trying to see his stuff and try texting him again. when i know his replies doesn't mean anything anymore. it was no longer baby talk but just a normal reply. people says when going through a break up, the healing that you need is normally the half of your time spend together. - Charlotte York, Sex and the City. up till today, i had never imagine this day will come nor happen to me.

My love, if you happen to read this which i don't think you would bother to. i just wanna say, i will get stronger, take good care of myself. and at the same time missing you as always. i don't know what the future holds, like what you say. i don't know how long your ship will sail before reaching the pier again. i don't know if i will still be waiting on the shore. i don't know even if the ship reaches the pier would you still want the same customer on board again. but i hope that someday, someday when the ship reaches the pier and is too old to sail again. inform me will you? for a cup of coffee, some dinner perhaps. though i don't know if i'll still be there anymore.

she taught me two things in a r/s that both party should always understand/agree on a common ground no matter how different they are. loyalty/faithfulness and open/honesty. i guess, we have the first but not the second. i don't know how you are feeling right now, sad or relief or maybe both. but i really hope everything's gonna be alright for you, you are strong.

i gotta admit, its really very very painful and hard for me to heal, its almost impossible. which explains all the texting and begging. but i need to heal, i have to. i have to complete my diploma and graduate in a few months time, i have to get a job. no matter how painful it is to me, i have to survive and continue living. i have to learn to deal with various factors that will affect me and weaken me. i have to be stronger to pull my life back to it's original place again. even though i totally have no idea on how to. but i cant escape, i have to learn all this to be a better and stronger me.

i miss you;
i love you in the past, the present and maybe in the future.